


our days and nights are perfumed with obsession

by antpelts



Series: come home to my heart [2]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: (again.. kinda?), (kinda?), Alternate Universe - After College/University, Canon Compliant, Dirty Talk, Fingerfucking, First Time, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Oral Sex, Post-Canon, Rough Sex, Tender Sex, Top Jeremy Heere, Trans Jeremy Heere, Trans Male Character, Trans Michael Mell, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, jer is kinda dominant but michael isnt completely submissive, why not both rough and tender
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:01:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23695882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antpelts/pseuds/antpelts
Summary: “I.. want you.” Jeremy’s words were more hesitant these days, it helped him contain the stutter and keep it more under control.“You got me, Jer,” he mumbled, hands hesitantly moving until they settled on Jeremy’s hips. There was a bit more mass there, Michael didn’t feel like he was going to break him as easily.“No.. I,” there was a nervousness there, he swallowed thickly and rested his hands on Michael’s chest. “I really want you. Want you.. w-want you.”// college boyf riends first time! can be read as a stand alone
Relationships: Jeremy Heere/Michael Mell
Series: come home to my heart [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704364
Comments: 4
Kudos: 86





	our days and nights are perfumed with obsession

They didn’t spend the summer on campus.

At first it was hard, Jeremy was scared to go home in some ways. Sure, he missed seeing his dad, he missed some things he’d left at home but he didn’t miss lying in his bed, waking up alone after nightmares. They weren’t as strong anymore, at least. Most of his dreams were just vaguely squip-related. They were just voices telling him everything, telling him everything wrong with him and all the reasons Michael secretly hated him.

When he finally cracked and told Michael about it there were a few days of week that he’d stay over at Jeremy’s house for the night, balanced out by Jeremy going to his. He didn’t realize how much he missed spending time with Michael’s moms before that. It wasn’t like it had been before, like in early high school. They both got jobs and sometimes Jeremy got scheduled for shifts going as late as 10 or 11 at night, leaving him too exhausted to even call Michael most times. They made it work, though.

August couldn’t come quickly enough. In the end they moved in as soon as the lease started, at least three weeks before classes even started. Jeremy was able to convince his dad with the promise of looking for a nice job he could balance with his coming school work and while he seemed hesitant there was an understanding there. Michael’s moms on the other hand had a stronger grasp on their son’s need for space and sent him off easily, knowing that he wouldn’t be too far away.

They were so excited they managed to set the place up in one day, neither had unpacked so quickly before.

* * *

“What’s up?” Michael set his phone down, looking up at Jeremy where he moved to sit on top of him, straddling him. He couldn’t help the soft smile that crossed his face - Jeremy’s face was lit up by the soft moonlight coming through their window, his eyes looked.. gentle.

“I.. want you.” Jeremy’s words were more hesitant these days, it helped him contain the stutter and keep it more under control.

“You got me, Jer,” he mumbled, hands hesitantly moving until they settled on Jeremy’s hips. There was a bit more mass there, Michael didn’t feel like he was going to break him as easily.

“No.. I,” there was a nervousness there, he swallowed thickly and rested his hands on Michael’s chest. “I really want you. _Want_ you.. w-want you.”

“If you’re sure. Like I said, you’ve got me.” Michael’s hands moved again, slower this time as they slipped under Jeremy’s shirt, rubbing up and down his sides. “Tell me what you need.”

This time his voice shifted, lower now, full of something that gave Jeremy goosebumps.

“F-Fuck,” Jeremy’s breath was already catching, if he had any ounce of uncertainty it was gone now. “I need you, I want you to kiss me.”

That was all it took for Michael to wrap his arms around Jeremy, pressing on his back to pull them together. Their chests pressed together and their lips finally met. Hands explored each other, Jeremy dragged fingers up Michael’s chest and arms until he could hold onto Michael’s face. One hand kept going, moving up to tangle in Michael’s hair, thumb brushing over his temple.

“I love you,” Jeremy mumbled against Michael’s lips before pressing kisses over his cheeks and chin.

“I never get tired of that.” Michael’s voice was breathy, hands pressing into the small of Jeremy’s back. A short gasp fell from his lips as he felt a kiss pressed to the spot behind his ear. “Still can’t believe it.”

“I love you,” Jeremy repeated, he scraped his teeth against the skin of Michael’s neck now, experimenting a bit. The test was rewarded with a soft hum and the pressure of Michael’s fingers digging into his back a bit.

“Jeremiah Heere, you drive me crazy.” It was breathy, quiet. Michael wasn’t good at saying it back, Jeremy was trying not to take it personally - he knew it wasn’t personal. He just didn’t talk a lot, well he talked a lot, but not often about his feelings. There was some underlying fear of intimacy, fear of vulnerability. Michael was patient with him, he’d be patient back. Sometimes it would pay off wonderfully, there were days where Michael just couldn’t stop saying it. He supposed it was also related to Michael’s tendency to fall into lulls where he just wouldn’t speak for hours at a time. It wasn’t personal. “You’re all I want.”

Instead of talking Jeremy pressed a few more kisses down Michael’s neck, hovering over the junction with his shoulder. He worried his lip between his teeth, mumbling, “could.. Could I, uh..”

Michael tipped his head to the side, showing off his neck better. “Anything you want, baby.”

A shudder coursed through Jeremy - a good one. They hadn’t dipped into pet names, neither were sure quite how to broach the subject. They already had nicknames for each other. Suddenly none of those other names mattered, Michael’s voice was low and warm and _hot._ That was all he needed, dipping his head back so his lips met Michael’s neck. Tentatively he nipped at the skin before sucking a mark there. He wasn’t really sure of what he was doing but it was good enough that he felt Michael’s hips involuntarily twitch under him, breath hitching. After a minute he pulled back, surveying the damages, as he sat back he saw Michael. His head was turned, face flushed a deep, warm, red - nearly matching the dark spot on his neck. “Fuck.”

“Is it bad?” Michael’s eyes were half-lidded but a grin pulled at his lips. His hair was a mess, glasses askew - he had no business looking as attractive as he did. Jeremy chewed at his lip, giving a slight shrug. “Nice.”

It was Jeremy’s turn to flush deeper, he felt the warmth across his cheeks spread to the tips of his ears and he let his hands roam Michael’s chest. After a moment he raised his gaze to meet Michael’s, hair flopping over his face as his head was still tipped down a bit. Fingers curled to grip the edge of Michael’s shirt. His voice was all but a whisper, “can I.. take this off?”

Michael was nodding, almost frantically, already pushing himself up so that Jeremy could slide it off of him. Once he was free of it he dropped himself down, flopping onto the bed. His hair spread out around him, a makeshift halo. Jeremy’s breath caught and he dropped the shirt onto the floor, bringing his hands back to run up over Michael’s side and chest.

“Can I?” Jeremy felt the slight rumble in Michael’s chest where his hands were placed. His fingers had moved to toy with the edge of Jeremy’s shirt now.

“I.. I don’t..” Without thinking Jeremy curled in a bit, almost defensively. “I don’t know.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Michael’s voice was soft and his hands pulled back, shifting to instead run over Jeremy’s thighs. “You can keep it on, don’t worry baby. Tonight’s all about you.”

To say Jeremy melted would be an understatement. A whine dragged its way out of his throat and he dipped his head, flustered. In an effort to bring Michael back to his level he dragged his fingers down his chest, leaning further to mouth at his neck again - not quite leaving marks. He let his nails brush lightly over Michael’s skin before dragging them back up and sliding thin fingers into his hair. He’d never imagined himself having the courage to do any of this, sure he was familiar with the idea of sex, particularly before his squip. But.. it was only thoughts, really. A lot of thoughts, he’d start up his computer, searching around sites while he..

A short moan brought his attention back. Michael arched his back slightly as Jeremy tugged at his hair, nipping at the side of his neck. He’d never really had a chance to use all the stored information from everything he’d watched in high school. It felt good. It felt better than being on his own. Besides, he hadn’t realized how pent up he was. After the squip he’d tentatively started calling himself ace - really he’d just been conditioned in ways that scared him away from sex.

Until he had Michael underneath him, biting his lip to hold back more moans. He wasn’t scared with Michael. And.. he hadn’t felt so wet since the beginning of junior year, it took all his self control to keep from grinding down against Michael’s hips. Maybe that was part of his issue from the last time they’d tried this - control. Now that he was on top of Michael, making him moan, he felt better. They’d also had more time to process everything and Jeremy trusted Michael but.. it really was hot to look down and see him like this. He almost laughed, all the taunting from his friends that he was probably just a bottom, considering all his awkwardness and how easily his will could crack, was off the mark. Michael was putty in his hands and _fuck_ it was hot.

“Can I eat you out?” Michael blurted it out, hips twitching up a bit as Jeremy bit at his earlobe. “Shit - please, Jer?”

If Michael was going to whine out like that how could he say no?

“Yeah, fuck. Yes, please.” Pulling away Jeremy leaned back, putting himself on his back between Michael’s legs. His hands moved down to his button, undoing his shorts as Michael scrambled to change positions, lowering himself down onto his stomach between Jeremy’s legs. “Give me a pillow.”

He almost didn’t recognize his own voice, since when was he able to give an order? He was always hesitant questions and voice cracks. At least Michael seemed to like it, letting out an honest to god whine as he reached blindly behind himself to grab a pillow to pass to Jeremy since they were flipped around now. Jeremy’s head was at the foot of the bed. He was lifting his hips now, struggling to push his shorts down.

“Hey, let me?” Michael dragged himself closer, looking up at Jeremy. With a frantic nod Jeremy was flopping back, letting himself drop onto the pillow. He swore he got wetter just from Michael’s voice. And from the hands brushing over his hips. With a few tugs Michael had his shorts off, tossing them somewhere across the room before hands rested on the waistband of his boxers.

“Yes, shit. Please, Micah.” Jeremy’s voice was strained and he arched his hips a bit, letting out a drawn out whine as he felt Michael’s breath on his thigh.

“Just a second, alright?” It was Michael’s turn to lower his voice, to let some dominance creep into his tone. He leaned forwards until Jeremy felt hot breath between his legs. Thighs practically shaking he gave a light roll of his hips before Michael pressed a kiss to his.. his..

They were going to have to decide on some terminology. Jeremy hadn’t really thought about those things in a while. All he knew was that Michael was pressing soft kisses in between his thighs, letting his tongue poke out, giving a few licks - he couldn’t take it anymore. “Sh-Shit. Off, I want them off. Boxers. Now. Fuck.”

One of his hands shot down to grip Michael’s hair, pulling hard to separate his mouth from between his legs. When he glanced down he could see the wet spot on the fabric, only half from Michael’s spit. He could hear Michael panting as his hands moved to tug on Jeremy’s boxers until he was able to get them off, looking up at Jeremy through his lashes. His pupils were blown out, even in the low light Jeremy could tell. It was almost too much and he let his head drop back, loosening his grip. Michael was kissing up his thigh until Jeremy felt that breath hit him again, right between his legs and fuck -

“Right there, yeah,” it was breathless and needy and soon Jeremy’s other hand was sliding down to curl in Michael’s hair too. He hesitated, letting Michael go on for a minute - he gave long, slow licks up Jeremy’s slit that just left him _wanting._ So he tightened his grip again and _pulled._ He pulled Michael’s mouth tighter against him, giving his hips a roll. “Yeah, like that, Micah. Fuck. S-Suck my dick.”

Where did _that_ come from?

At least that solved some of his terminology issues.

As he said it he felt Michael moan against him and he bit back a sharp whine. Everything he did was _hot_ and Jeremy was almost sad that it took so long for them to finally get together. 

Loosening one of his hands he moved to pull Michael’s glasses off, wincing where the plastic dug into his thigh. Gently, he placed them off to his side. They’d be safe enough. He rolled his hips again before all but melting as Michael paused his licks to tentatively suck. Jeremy swore he saw stars, a breathy moan falling from his lips. It seemed that was all the encouragement Michael needed and he slipped his arms under Jeremy’s thighs, hooking them around him slightly to hold onto his hips - locking him in place. He bobbed his head slightly, Jeremy didn’t need much, he wasn’t really packing but he did get nearly in inch now because Michael got him _hard_ and fuck - he didn’t even know he could get hard! He hadn’t experimented much since he’d been on hormones longer, now. He did remember reading about it somewhere but he didn’t think it would really be that much, that he really would get hard like that. But now he _was_ hard and Michael was sucking his dick and while he may have only been packing an inch at most it was hot and he was pretty sure this was what gender _euphoria_ was.

Jeremy wasn’t sure how much time passed but Michael was pulling back a bit and he almost pulled him back down by his hair but then he felt Michael’s tongue drag up him. He kept it flat with heavier pressure and all Jeremy could manage was a squeak. He raised his head and looked down to see Michael looking back up at him, lifting his head to give Jeremy a crooked smirk. His chin glistened with Jeremy’s wetness and that _cockiness_ was intoxicating.

“You look so good like that.” Maybe he was good at the whole dirty talk thing because Michael groaned at his words, pressing his face back down to start licking him again. Jeremy couldn’t help but jerk his hips, pressing back down against Michael’s tongue as he dragged it flatly over him, he didn’t move too fast but the pressure he used drove Jeremy crazy. He must have been moving too much because Michael’s hands were pressing down hard on his hips to hold him still. It was almost too much and Jeremy let out a sharp whine, thighs shaking, eyes tearing up. There was a buzz running through his body and he couldn’t help his toes curling, breaths sharp as he started panting. “Right there, right there. I’m.. I think I’m gonna.”

Michael’s fingers dug harder into his hips, he started sucking a bit as he bobbed his head, giving shorter and slightly quicker licks. It was all a silent _‘yes please, cum for me.’_

Jeremy did. Hard.

His thighs trembled, legs trying to snap shut as Michael kept going, just _shoving_ him over the edge. Arching his back his hands curled tightly into Michael’s hair, frantically trying to yank him backwards. When Michael finally pulled his mouth back Jeremy dropped back limply onto the bed, hands slipping away from his hair. His chest heaved as he still panted, body still trembling.

“Good?” Michael pushed himself up so that he was on his knees, looking down at his boyfriend. He patted around on the bed and when he found Jeremy’s boxers he used them to wipe at his face where his chin was still wet.

“Real g-good. Fuck,” Jeremy still sounded out of breath but he was starting to calm down a bit. He let his eyes open, looking up at Michael. He looked.. soft, looking down at Jeremy with a dopey grin. Somehow that made him feel more exposed than getting eaten out, he just felt vulnerable. With weak arms he struggled to sit up, leaning forward to press kisses against Michael’s chest. “Hey, lay d-down for me?”

“Yeah, yeah Jer.” Jeremy couldn’t help but notice how his breath caught as he scrambled a bit, moving so he was laying down. He let his legs part a bit, Jeremy sitting between them, as he let out a breathy sigh. He looked beautiful. Beautiful.. but with too many clothes. Running fingers over his torso Jeremy made it down to the waistband of Michael’s shorts, gripping onto them.

“Can.. I take these off?” He kept his gaze down, cheeks heating up.

“Yeah, take it all off, baby. You can have all of me,” Michael’s voice was strained and breathy. That was enough to bring Jeremy’s confidence back, he unbuttoned Michael’s shorts before fingers reached under his waistband to grab his boxers as well, pulling them both down. His thighs looked _soft_ and Jeremy confirmed it, leaning down to press a kiss there.

He took a page out of Michael’s book as he dropped the clothes off the bed, lowering himself down onto his stomach in between Michael’s legs. Without hesitating Michael lifted his legs up, draping them over Jeremy’s shoulders. Though, he found himself wondering if Michael had looked up how to eat someone out because he found himself at a bit of a loss. He bumped his nose against Michael’s mound, pressing a short kiss where his thigh met his body. A _whine_ was his reward and he let out a groan of his own because his boyfriend was _really_ hot. 

“C’mon, quit teasing Jer-” Michael’s voice shot into a squeak at the end as Jeremy dragged his tongue over him.. over his.. ? Jeremy tried not to think about it, he didn’t care what Michael wanted to call it, he just wanted to make him feel good. 

“Yeah yeah,” he panted, struggling to keep his hips still, “- shit, yeah yeah, so good baby.”

Jeremy knew Michael was a chatterbox but now he just wouldn’t shut up. He loved it. It was enough to encourage him to move his head a bit, pressing his tongue down a bit harder. He tried out some suction, lips twitching into a smile against Michael as he was rewarded with a drawn out moan. Pulling away briefly he looked up at him, his hair drooping, covering nearly half of his face. He hesitated for a moment but decided asking wouldn’t hurt, “could I.. uh. I don’t know if you, um, what do you think about.. having something inside?”

Michael was practically _dripping_ and it was enticing - it was really a night of discovery because he was looking at Michael all desperate beneath him and he just wanted to _fuck_ him and make love to him and have everything at once. Whatever that meant for Michael. He couldn’t say he hadn’t imagined it though, slipping his fingers inside Michael.. or feeling Michael inside of him. In the end he didn’t know if he would like it but it couldn’t hurt to try. He just _really_ wanted to take Michael and make him a mess.

“Shit, yeah. You wanna fuck me, Jer? Will you fuck me?” Michael was giving him a run for his money because he swore he felt himself staring to get wetter again just from hearing that. It was almost a game now, seeing who could affect who more. Really it didn’t matter, they were so helplessly high on each other.

It was still fun, though.

Leaning his head on Michael’s thigh Jeremy glanced up at him through his lashes before bringing one of his hands up. His middle finger poked at Michael’s entrance, he just pressed the tip in, moving around some of his wetness. The way Michael whined for him was a turning point - Jeremy really _could_ be dominant, he never would have expected it but something just came over him. He sat up a bit, his other hand moving to hold Michael’s hip down with his full body weight. Slowly he slid the finger into Michael, feeling how he squeezed back. He tried not to be too sad about not having a dick, he’d mostly come to terms with that dysphoria but _fuck_ he wished he could feel Michael around him.

“Good?” His middle finger was all the way into Michael now, still, waiting.

“Jer,” it was breathless, followed by an amused chuckle, “I’ve put more inside myself than that.”

While he loved that grin he also loved wiping it off Michael’s face. He pulled his finger out most of the way before pressing it back in. After doing it a few times he slipped a second finger in, using the wetness that was starting to drip down onto his hands. Fuck, Michael was _wet._

Wet for him.

Now with the second finger inside he spread them just slightly as he moved, drawing out short huffs from Michael who was trying to roll his hips. Jeremy held him down as good as he could, moving to straddle one of Michael’s legs to get leverage. With each move he pressed his fingers as deep as he could before pulling nearly all the way out. Michael tipped his head back, letting out whines as Jeremy moved, “m..more.”

“More?” Jeremy arched an eyebrow, unable to bite back a grin as he saw Michael with his head back, face creased in desperation. He couldn’t keep back the noises anymore and there was a sheen of sweat on his forehead. There was no reason not to indulge him. On his next thrust in Jeremy slowed down, adding a third finger as he did it. Michael must have not been fully expecting it because he arched his back letting out a squeak that melted into a moan.

“Yeah! Fuck,” Michael hissed, grabbing fistfuls of the sheets, “yes, god. Fuck me.” All of his composure was gone, all of his smugness, he was practically writhing on Jeremy’s fingers. 

Jeremy was nearly drooling.

He kept his hand planted on Michael’s hip, picking up speed until he was driving his fingers in and out of him. He curled his fingers a bit, pressing up against Michael as he kept fucking him. All of his efforts were rewarded with whimpers and whines as Michael’s thighs started shaking. He slid his own hand down his body, digging his nails into his thigh. His words were filled with gasps and moans, “Jer.. hey, Jer. Fuck.. can I touch myself?”

Jeremy’s breath caught at the notion of Michael looking for his permission, “yes, yes. Fuck.”

It was less than a minute before Michael was cumming - he squeezed down on Jeremy’s fingers, practically twitching. His thighs shook for a moment and it didn’t take long for him to grab Jeremy’s wrist, stilling his movements before slowly pulling him out. And then he was crying.

Panic shot through Jeremy’s chest. Michael didn’t just cry, he could count on his hands the number of times he’d cried and the last time had been when _he_ was crying first. Even then it was just a few stray tears. This time the tears were big and his lip was trembling. He looked raw and vulnerable and there was no time to bask in the post-sex haze, there was no time to dwell on how pretty Michael looked in the moonlight. All he could do was scramble to reach down to the floor to grab Michael’s boxers, wiping off his fingers before pressing the fabric between Michael’s legs. His hands slid over the sheets until he managed to find his own boxers too, wiping at the wetness between his own legs with record timing. If he weren’t crying Jeremy was sure Michael would tease him for worrying about the small thing but he still found Michael’s glasses amongst the sheets, all but tossing them onto the nightstand. Now he was lifting himself onto his knees and leaning over Michael to take his face in his hands.

_Michael didn’t just cry._

It was terrifying.

Jeremy’s palms were sweaty against Michael’s cheeks, it mixed with the wetness of the tears that had slipped under before his hands were pressed flush. Michael’s lips still glistened, wet. His eyes glistened the same now. The same eyes that looked up at him, wide, they looked different when they weren’t behind glasses. The same fear that Jeremy felt was cast back at him, from Michael’s eyes, from his trembling lips.

What did he do wrong?

“What did I do wrong?”

Michael was shaking his head the best he could in Jeremy’s grip, face creasing in distress. His hands just gripped the sheets. Was it wrong to think about how pretty he was while this was happening? Jeremy just saw a boy laid out beneath him, naked, soft, beautiful. The moon kissed over his skin, over all the parts he wanted to himself.

“It’s.. just a lot.” His voice was shaky when he finally spoke. “I thought.. I thought we could just,” he seemed to choke on his words, swallowing thickly, “I thought I could just let you.. f-fuck me and not think too hard about it.. but you, like, looked at me like _that_ and I’ve never.. felt like that with anyone. Shit.. don’t look at me.”

Jeremy held him still, preventing him from burying his face in the pillow and just hiding his feelings behind six layers of sarcasm and nearly uncomfortable jokes.

“Was.. it okay then?” Jeremy’s thumbs brushed over Michael’s cheeks now. “I.. think I’m confused.”

“I thought.. I thought it would be easy. It was good.. really good. I just.. I think I’m just scared of how much I love you.”

“Michael,” Jeremy was choked up now, leaning until he could press their foreheads together. “I love you so much.”

“Maybe.. maybe we take it a bit slower next time?” There was an almost nervous laugh with the question.

“Next time,” Jeremy corroborated.

“I love you.” There was so much emotion behind it and Jeremy decided that while it hurt deep in his chest to see Michael cry.. he sort of liked this more vulnerable, emotional side that he was able to see. Only for him.

“I love you too.”


End file.
